The Most Important Thing

When my youngest son recently shared concerns about the fatigue and stress he’s been feeling lately, I found myself giving him a quick “how-to” on meditation. I realize that he should (a) study texts on the practice, (b) take a class, or (c) do a retreat, but he won’t – he’s a perpetually broke 20-something kid with an on-its-last-legs Buick, who chose relatively poor parents this time around. So I gave him what I could. And as the words were coming out of my mouth and flying into his ears, I heard it: the most important thing to remember myself about meditating…

Don't judge it; just do it.

Harsh self-judgment may be what trips up or even stops many new meditators. We need to be patient and loving with ourselves, and let go of that sourpuss internal critic that says any/all of the following (I’ve heard them all, from my own inner critic):

• You skipped (2, 5, 35, 185) days; you might as well give up.
• You’re hopeless at focusing on the breath.
• Your thoughts never stop; you’re terrible at this.
• Maybe other people can meditate, but not you.
• You obviously have no self-control.

Ironically, of course, each of these is just another thought. I like to think they’re just desperate fabrications of my insecurity – my fear that if I succeed at meditating, I’ll no longer be this carefully constructed “me” I’ve been cultivating & protecting all these years.

So, like any other thoughts, I let the inner critic’s ramblings come as they will, then I gently shoo them away and return my attention to the breath. I don’t criticize or condemn myself when I skip a day, twitch & distract my way through a session, or spend 15 minutes inundated in the waterfall (flood, really) of thoughts, self-critical or otherwise. And I absolutely don’t let them undermine my practice, either, which is the "just do it" part.

Even if you feel like you’ve already failed, hit the cushion and start over. Every day is starting over anyway, so every day is a new opportunity to practice, no matter how long you’ve been away, how badly it went the last time, how hopeless you think you are at it, etc. The important thing for now isn’t to be GOOD at meditating – it’s just to meditate.

So I felt it was fine for me to teach my son what I could about meditating. He needs it now. Any practice he can do right now is better than none. I’ll get him (and my other kids) Sakyong Mipham’s book Turning the Mind into an Ally for Christmas. But for now, love, patience, and a new day of practice is enough…baby steps.