Good Days, Bad Days

From the sublime to the ridiculous…. Some days meditation goes so well. On other days, like today, it’s less meditation and more jittery sitting. On these days, I fidget, watch (in my mind’s eye) the clock, breathe in jerky, exaggerated gasps when I try to bring my attention to the breath, itch, and wander off in random thoughts about knitting patterns, auto maintenance, peacock husbandry, or the shape of my feet.

Maybe these twitchy days are a psycho-inversion of the old parlor game where someone says, “DON’T think about an elephant.” Of course, all you can think about is an elephant. So when I say to myself, “THINK about the breath,” I immediately think of everything but.

Such seemingly nonproductive days could be frustrating, but I choose to be grateful. I figure learning to practice isn’t just about working with the mind – it’s also about working with the body. I’m practicing with my body, too, teaching it that when I go to the cushion, it’s time to suspend those pesky little pains & itches, resist the urge for perpetual motion, let go of rigidity, and relax. On his Healing album, Todd Rundgren says, “You are not flesh, and flesh must obey.” Clearly, my body today is a rebellious toddler. Maybe a big hug and a nap…